This is awesome! (Courtesy of PK sending this)
http://www.ex-parrot.com/~pete/upside-down-ternet.html

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8610362188397291938

Thanks to PK for sending me this.

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think “The Nutcracker” is something you do off the high dive.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room’s so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21 You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say “Cool Whip” on the side.
24. The biggest city you’ve ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You’ve used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

This is just waaaay too funny!

“The trouble with the world is that everyone is about 2 drinks behind”
- Humphrey Bogart

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this wine and let
their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
- Jack Handy

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re
going to feel all day. ”
- Frank Sinatra

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think
not.”
- Stephen Wright

“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all
get drunk and go to heaven!”
- Brian O’Rourke

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
- Benjamin Franklin

“Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.”
- Dave Barry

“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only
move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as
fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know,
kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain
cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker
brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s
why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
- Cliff Clavin of Cheers

Download it by clicking here.

Courtesy of a response to my part-time admin assistant position posted on craigslist:

From: kendrick mitchell
Sent: Sunday, April 16, 2006 12:11 PM
Subject: PART-TIME admin needed

Good afternoon,

I am desperately seeking this position, I can’t gettoff the couch and I believe I am the person you’re looking for.

Looking forward to do some serious butt kissing with you.

Best regards,
A.K.A I need this damn job
Auna Faubion

My Garbage hauler is a great example of how business should be run!

This is funny! http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/end.php